


Hero

by Are_you_ever_not_going_to_fall_for_that



Category: Thor (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Sad Loki, Short One Shot, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-26
Updated: 2015-11-26
Packaged: 2018-05-03 13:01:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,431
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5291831
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Are_you_ever_not_going_to_fall_for_that/pseuds/Are_you_ever_not_going_to_fall_for_that
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Loki spends years in jail until he comes up with a plan. Character death.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hero

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own Thor.
> 
> Warnings: Character death, suicide, suicidal thoughts.
> 
> A/N: Doesn't follow Thor 2 except that he is the same cell.

Thor, at first, used to come all the time. Not that he would stay a long time, he would usually come briefly look Loki over and then leave. Maybe Thor was making sure that the guards weren't hurting him. Maybe he had just come to make sure that Loki hadn't somehow managed to escape. For whatever reason, Thor came he never stayed long or spoke. He just came and then left not long after.

At first Loki had been relived that Thor hadn't come to reconcile with him, or get him to feel guilty for what he had done, or get him to tell him why he had done what he had done. Thor though after some time had stopped coming. Frigga visited when time permitted, but most of the time he was alone in the glass cell.

The isolation eventually started to get to him. It forced him to look back at the decisions he had made in the past. At the time, all the decisions he had made had seemed like the right ones. However, after  all the time with nothing to do but think, he found himself thinking that maybe his decisions hadn't been as right as he had thought them at the time.

Loki found himself wishing that he could change the past, that he could stop everything bad in his life from happening, from screwing everything up. There was nothing he could do though; even Gods didn't have that power. He found himself growing less and less interested in the world and spending more and more time in his head, cursing himself for his failures and his deeds.

One day his inner musing were interrupted by a familiar voice. It took him several moments to place the voice, even though he had heard it every day for a thousand years before he had screwed everything up. Loki meant to move to see Thor better because all he could see was his face, but his body did not follow up on his wish. That was when Loki realized that it had probably been a long time since the last time that he had eaten.

"Why are you not eating?" Thor asked suspiciously and Loki figured that Thor thought it was part of some plan or something. Loki didn't answer for a long moment and Thor turned heading out when Loki spoke to him without realizing it at first.

"Do you ever wish that we didn't live so long?" he asked Thor who stared at him concerned and confused. Loki shook his head, of course not. Thor didn't really think about things like that, but Loki did. Especially lately, having nothing to do but think about all the failures of his life, the torture and the fact he managed to ruin everything.

Lately, he also thought of the fact that he was doomed to spend the next 4000 years in prison. Loki also found himself thinking about what might have happened if he had been born human...he had spent the first 1000 years of his life as a good person. Humans only had a few years of adolescence, gods had hundred of years of it. They lived for much longer and had to deal with things longer. He was tired of dealing with his feeling the grief, the guilt, and the fact that most everything that gone wrong in his life was his own fault.

"Loki are you okay?" Thor asked him, but The Thunderer still looked at him suspiciously like Loki was planning something. Loki found himself smiling an not entirely pleasant smile. He hadn't been moments ago, but he was now.

"Thor," he said putting as much arrogance as he could muster into it. "When did you get here?" he asked like he hadn't just asked him a question. Thor looked confused for a moment longer, before his expression froze and he stalked off angrily. Loki let the arrogance fall from his face and thought of his new plan.

There was nothing sharp in the room which would make what he wanted even harder, but there were ways around that since they let him have magic. There were spells, spells that were too big, too powerful for any one person to be able to do themselves. His mother had warned him about them so that he wouldn't try to do any of them.

He hesitated for a moment as he considered what he was thinking about. Did he really want to die? Maybe not, but he couldn't spend the next 4000 years of his life in a glass cage thinking about his failures every day. He closed his eyes and focused on the spells, he had studied one of the spells in great detail. Loki had planned to do it one day when he found someone who liked magic as much as he did, but he had never found the person...and now he never would. He started the spell quietly mumbling the words under his breath so that even if Heimdall cared enough to keep his eye on him and cared enough to stop him-very unlikely- he wouldn't know what he was trying to do until it was too late.

However, somehow Thor ran into the room. Loki paused in his spell for a moment wondering if Thor knew what he was trying to do, or if Thor had just run into the room for another reason.

"Stop Loki," so Thor knew. Did it matter? They were never going to let him out of here. Loki didn't speak he just looked at Thor for a long moment hesitating. "Mother feels your spell, as do all the other magic users in the kingdom," Loki nodded he should have known. His mother had told him spells of the magnitude he was using were felt by all that used magic, but he had forgotten. His years in  his cell had apparently dulled his mind a bit.

"I refuse to stay in this cage for the next 4000 years until I die of old age," Loki said but only telling half the truth. Especially since it was more his thoughts and guilt he couldn't deal with for the next 4000 years.

"Brother please don't," Thor asked with tears in his eyes and Loki worked fiercely to keep the same tears from coming into his.

"We are not brothers," he said quietly more as an automatic reaction more than really feeling it. Yes, they weren't blood bothers but his pettiness, jealously, and rage at his brother had dulled over the years.

"Loki please don't," Thor pleaded as Loki muttered a few more words under his breath. Loki stopped again but shook his head.

"You know what the spell does." It wasn't a question, but Thor nodded anyways as he stared at him.

"I can do more good with my death than I could ever do living," he insisted. It was why he had chosen this particular spell, it made all areas of Midgard fertile. He could end a lot of pain and strife with his last moments. "I can make up for what I did to them," he said before he realized what he had said. Loki had admitted aloud that he actually felt guilty about what he had done, which he had never admitted to, not in centuries.

"Loki, I don't want to lose you brother," Thor insisted, but Loki shook hie head.

"I'll never be able to make up for it otherwise," Thor shook his head as well.

"There has to be another way. You can fight with the Avengers-" Loki decided to break Thor of this illusion before he could think about too much.

"The Avengers hate me, which is really understandable since I did try to conquer their planet."

"They are good people, they would understand," Loki shook his head.

"You still think the best of people even when it's not true," Loki said. There were probably a lot of people who The Avengers might forgive, but he doubted that he was one of them.

"Brother please," Thor pleaded and for a moment part of him wanted to stop, but the truth was he was done, he was tired. He did wish that Thor wouldn't have to see though so he made himself invisible.

"Loki no!" Loki smiled it was exactly what Thor had said the last time he tried to kill himself, he hoped this attempt would go better. Loki finished the spell and felt the world fall away. At least in death, he could be the hero he had never been in life.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Please let me know what you think


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